ANGRY
Okay, NOW that I have your attention I will post the few reasons I am Angry. First of all on Wednesday night I found out one of my girl scout's sister had been diagnosed with diabetes. This just hurts on many rows. I am angry because I know that being 12 and hit with the son of a bitch of a disease just sucks. Not that it is any better at any other age. I remember the comments made by a classmate that testing blood was discusting. Hiding in the bathroom to give myself shots. I was not open with diabetes to people for many years. In my high school only maybe 2 or 3 people knew I had d. This diagnosis just triggered all that anger. I need to talk to the father and connect him with some of the people I know. I just feel I need to give him sometime and space to handle it.
Next, I am ANGRY that there is no cure to this freakin disease. Jeepers when I was diagnosed 21 years ago. I was told there would be a cure in 10 to 15 year. OKay we are 6 years past that mark. I also am annoyed after reading Cheating Destiny. I find that the JDRF pouring money into the Artificial pancreas project is a total waste of money. I have an internal pain pump, made by the company working on the internal combined insulin pump. After having to have this thing filled 10 time over the past 4 years and having to have it repostioned. I literally told the Radiologist THIS is why I am not a supporter of that project. Our focus needs to be on the cure or prevention. I have always believe prevention is the key to the cure and feel we are so far away from that it make me depressed.
I am also ANGRY with the medical professionals. Heidi over at D log cabin, www.d-logger.blogspot.com/, was attacked by a doctor IMHO. This was not a Endocrimonologist. This was a freakin General Practice doc. I am sorry the only person who really can give me any heck about numbers is the Endocriminologist and she had better have IDEAS for helping improving them or maybe the gynocologist if I were trying or wanting to get pregnant. I hate the way docs want to blame everything on diabetes. Let me see when I was having an allergy to the oral pain meds making me vomit it was diabetic gastroparesis. When I first went to the pain doc for the RSD it was diabetic neuropathy. Um idiot it is UNIlateral swelling and all I can't handle is touch. Don't ask about the first idiot podiatrist bitch, she actually sent me to the Physical therapist. The PT knew it was RSD from the beginning. Luckily from their went to an idiot orthopedist who actually sent me to the right doc. The accupunture one. She diagnosed the RSD right away and sent me to the pain doc. Let me see other medical professionals to be annoyed at. Funny thing is the one pain doc told me it really is not D related just basically bad luck I ended up with both diseases and that I retriggered it twice. I am so tired of fighting the system. I am annoyed with current pain doc for not changing the meds like he said he was going to. He doubled the concentration of the one med. Has lowered my pain by one freaking point. I just am sick and tired of doctors who are idiots. I have had some awesome ones and some shitty ones.
I am ANGRY with the FDA. I want a freakin NAVIGATOR now. It might actually help me and Heidi lower our A1C's.
FDA get off your sorry little butts and approve this device. I WANT it NOW.
I am ANGRY with DIABETES. Let me see, I wake never know if when i wake up in the morning feeling shitty if it is because I am low. A general rule with me but not a 100%. I have one hell of a time. We can't raise basals or I might not wake up in the morning. It has happened on more then one occasion. I sometimes wake up extremely out of range on the high side. I sometimes wake up low. I might once in a while wake up on the in range side. That is a day to be celebrated majorly. I am tired of poking my fingers each and everyday. Tired of changing my infusion sets and filling reservoirs. I am tired of all the crap it just takes out of me to deal with this disease. I am tired of people tell me it is POSSIBLE to control this disease. Just walk a mile in my sneakers. THAT is bullshit. I have to say I do think the PA and endocriminologists office is great. She is trying but as she says I make no sense. Some of it is I forget to bolus. Memory issues come from a side effect of a medication I no longer take for the RSD.
I am ANGRY with the ADA telling me that I need an a1c under 7.5 to be considered under control. I saw the graphs. The giant jump occurs at 8. If I can keep my numbers under 8 and avoid severe lows I am a happy camper. I am shooting for the lowest I can get but it is annoying. Another annoying thing the ADA does at times is not distinquish between the two types of diabetes. I get lumped in with the fat people. I wasn't fat when I was initially diagnosed.
I am ANGRY with RSD. This disease has taken far more from me then I can list. Let me see, I no longer play softball cause of the pain. I no longer drive because of the meds given to me for this disease. The meds caused memory issues and I would get lost in a paper bag, forget where I am going, forget that red means stop green means go. The wierd thing with the memory issues is it is fleeting. I am tired of people telling me that RSD is not a real disease. I am tired of the pain in my tummy where the pain pump. I am TIRED of constantly being in pain. The fact that I can't sleep because of the RSD adds to that frustration.
I am ANGRY with the 3 pain in the but escaping goats. Anyone have any good goat recipes. I really want to shoot these goats and eat them. The rest of the goats remain in the pen. These 3 get out and try to steal the donkeys food. I am also ANGRY with the Turkey who now thinks attacking the human is a good plan. HE should have been thanksgiving dinner but is too old and tough.
This is just a partial list of things I am angry about. These are the major ones. So two things don't tell me that diabetes can be controled we do our best to MANAGE it. I am also sorry but giving a patient scare tactics to scare them into being a better diabetic is ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT. IT DOES NOT WORK. My pediatric endo tried threatening my license at 18. Guess what that was the LAST time I ever saw him. The next endo was great but had a horrid office staff. He was never threatening to me. He would just put you could do better and try different methods. Current endo well she can be a pain in the ass, but the PA is the saving grace. The one thing about my Endo and PA are they know I will do things in my own way and they are fine with that. So my one point is the BULLY principal or the COMPLICATIONs principal does not float my boat. It is really a genetic crap shoot. Let me see in the past 3 days, We have had a 17 year old and a woman die of cancer. We have found out two friends have cancer. I have always believed in FATE. That when you number is up your number is up. I also know that AWESOME control does not always mean no COMPLICATIONs. Okay I am done with my rant. Gonna Crawl back under my Rock. I will crawl out to take time to feed the animals whom I love dearly. The cows are the stars of our Christmas card. That wil be my next post. Sorry this one was so long.