Tired and Cranky
I am tired and cranky and in such need of a nap. October was hectic to put it mildly. Just super busy but did have some fantastic times. It is now November and life is getting hectic again. I am just so tired of dealing with the constant pain of the RSD and the comments of people. For those of you who don't know, I have RSD or Reflex sympathetic dystrophy also known as Chronic regional pain syndrome. I am basically in constant pain in my foot. If i try to plant the foot it is EXCRUCIATINGLY painful. The worse thing is the pain has begun to travel up higher and stay in the other areas for a longer period of time. I have a pretty good tolerance for pain. What drives me absolutely nuts are the dumb comments people make. I'm sorry try living for a day in my shoes and tell me how you feel. I am just so frustrated with the crap in my life it isn't funny. To top it all off I need to get a lawyer to help with my SSD appeal. I hate dealing with this crud. Also dreading that I need to go back to pain doctor for a pump refill. Read previous posts and you will understand why I hate that. Of course this next one will be a long visit he wants to try some oral medications on me. I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing. He keeps trying to tell me that I have Diabetic neuropathy. He seems to overlook the fact that the pain or affected area is only on the one side of the body. Generally neuropathy is bilateral. We also consulted with one of the TOP rsd docs in the country and he confirmed it is RSD. That was back in February, 2002. He actually recommended some treatments for me. I have a big fear of the oral meds. One of the pain meds they had me on really messed up my memory. My mom says it is worse then her's and she is 40 years older then me. This is a hard thing to prove that you are a basic imbecile at times but perfectly normal at others. It really depends on the day of the week. The other thing the RSD has screwed with is sleeping. I don't sleep much at all. We are talking 2 hours of sleep wake up. I do try to stay laying down to get some more but it doesn't work. Well pain doc did offer me something for sleep. He didn't write out the script though. Hopefully next time and the med work. Unfortunately for me most of the meds that would have a 400 lb gorilla sleeping like a baby don't knock me out at all. A resident said looking at the amount of Elavil, anti depressant used for pain management also, I was on she couldn't believe I was a functioning human being. I actually feel that the pain doctor here feels we might not have many or any more options. Basically, I have to learn to function with it.
Right now I am just Angry all the things RSD has taken from me. Let me see the ability to play softball. I used to coach Basketball and soccer. I basically felt after a year of trying it wasn't worth it when you couldn't run and it just triggered more agony. I don't drive anymore because of the memory issues. I swear I am not sure I could find my way out of a paper bag. It took from me a work that I loved. My goal of becoming a PA or NP has also flown out the window with this damn disease. I think it has given me one hell of a case of depression also, so it took away my happiness. I was generally a happy go lucky person before the RSD. Now, I am usually like that but there are times when i just blow up for no reason. Let's see there is other shit that this RSD has taken from me just trying to remember what they are. The one thing I will never allow RSD to steal is my girl scout work. I would love to lead another girl scout troop in a younger level. Well, I need to go lay down and rest my sore back. I think that is another gift of RSD. I also have lost a lot of trust in doctors from dealing with RSD. Some I have felt were excellent have turned to absolute imbeciles. I believe cause of his inablity to handle the RSD. Well, I will be posting tommorow about Diabetes. I promise. I don't think I will be as down about that. If I had to a choice to give up one disease. I think I would pick givin up the RSD.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
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